Musings

Once more I'm found with some time, and shall get down the musings that I've been wanting to blog.

Tenant 5202
Firstly, the tribunal application. I'd like to rally for prayer support, to everyone who reads my blog! This will be my first experience, my maiden voyage into the many legal battles to come in my aspired legal career. I've never been to court even as an intern, and now I'll be entering and self-representing. Pray for wisdom and for God's favour, for it is the Lord who fights our battles.

Fellowship
Recently this has been where God has been leading me. Through a short period where I was undergoing a depressive state of isolation and loneliness, I cried out to God and He answered. Within a couple of weeks I found myself surrounded by supportive brothers and sisters showering me with companionship and concern. It was a real feeling of deliverance, because I learned to open my heart and to fellowship with others freely. However, this was a lesson to also trust in God and take delight in Him only.

"In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye, like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. The Lord alone led him; no foreign god was with him. He made him ride on the heights of the land and fed him with the fruit of the fields. He nourished him with honey from the rock." Deut32:10-13

Coming out of that minor trial, I realized how apparent it was that many others had their share of struggles and secret woes, but with no one to share their burdens with. How many of us have splinters in our flesh, that we try not leave unnoticed until we strike them and feel the pain again? How many of us attend church service and lifegroup sessions with a smile on our faces but heavy hearts inside, just wanting to 'survive' and go home?

We need the Lord. We need encouragement. We need fellow believers to support us when we're down, to grow together with, to sharpen each other and to learn from conflicts, to love and be loved.

I've been praying and asking for wisdom, and taking small steps to grow in this area. I'm also being careful not to run ahead of God and take things into my own hands.

Polishing, refining, molding, growing
Several people have been telling me this. That God's growing and shaping me [more] in this season [than "normal times"]. Minor trials and little lessons. I've also been learning from actions of others, positive aspects I'd like to adopt and pick up, other areas that I caution myself not to follow in. It's almost as if God is putting me through a trials buffet, having a taste of everything so that I'll know what it's like in the shoes of others when they're facing the same trials.

Also having to root up some stumps from struggles that I've had, to renounce old sins and discarded habits completely. Someone shared with me that we can get so used to tiny bits of old things that remain in us, not realizing that they're footholds for the devil to continue to distract and hinder us.

At the OC, Ps Brendan Kirby told us that sin in our lives undermines the authority given to us by Christ, and we are less able to work with God. Ps Wen An shared last year that God can't use a vessel that isn't pure. We are called to be holy because He is holy. The prospect of righteousness is joy (Prov10:28).

Sine ira ac studio
This is a Latin phrase that means 'without anger or bias'. Read in context, it can mean 'without frustration or a judgmental attitude'. This really represents the attitude I was telling myself to take whenever I faced the trials and negative sides of others' behaviour. Impatience, flirtatiousness, pride, weaknesses, selfishness etc etc.

"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her" (John8:7)

¹⁰"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹²I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' ¹³"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' ¹⁴"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke18:10-14)

easter

So i've made it through the first half of the semester, and it's the Easter break. Just came back from the Oceania Convention, and completed my Criminal Law assignment today so I find myself with a bit of free time to put up this post.

Tenant 5202
Since the last post, I indeed laid siege and submitted an application to the Tribunal for dispute resolution. There was an electronic war-on-paper for a short period in which the agents demonstrated themselves dishonest, unreasonable and hard to deal with, part of the reason I proceeded to apply. I sent in the entire record of the emails with my application.

Part of what they wrote was purely personal attack. I found it immature and unprofessional for middle aged real estate agents to be saying someone is 'being a bad example to his sons' without having a clue about the person's character, behaviour and history. Also, he had no scale of comparison to place his groundless comment. I took pleasure in crushing his comment and ridiculing him to honour my father - even knowing God was watching my words. I knew that I'm proud of my father and that my father was wise to have been quiet and watchful while he was carelessly tossing empty threats at us.

"A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbour, but a man of understanding holds his tongue." Prov11:12 (NIV)

"He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin" Prov13:3 (NIV)

"He who corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning" Prov9:7-9 (NIV)

Oceania Convention
OC was a good refreshing time. Originally I had intended to get rest while I was there, but it ended up with late nights and early mornings. Still, it was good to do my devotion in the mornings on the balcony with the sun coming at an angle and cold wind in my hair.

The theme centred around the church's core values; but was really impressed me was the size of Hope International Ministries, being in 41 countries and really growing, yet with such a grounding in the Spirit and the Word. To those who have ears and hear, this movement is really anointed. The preachers and pastors were also inspiring, real role models who encourage believers to persevere in Christ-likeness.

My experience there was actually strongest on the first night, when I felt the Spirit's refreshing presence and opened my heart to Him. Over the next few days the tiredness affected me a little, but revisiting the sermon notes really stirs my passion again.

The first takeaway for me was the change in my heart regarding fellowship. I really got to spend time with the members who went to OC, and it was good not feeling lonely anymore. Hearing what some of them said about secretly feeling like giving up serving and closing up to newcomers, I realized how much we needed to be encouraged and strengthened by fellowship. The koinonia and philadelphia are my next ministry; to build the spiritual union amongst my brothers and sisters; to unite in prayer and to be one in Spirit; to serve God and grow together.

The next was the vision; evangelism and growing God's kingdom, sharing His goodness to the many people who need Him both locally, back home in Singapore, around the world. My passion for missions has been strengthened, and as often as I am able to I will involve myself with mission visits. My long-time identification as a tentmaker still stands.

"We cannot be lukewarm in following Christ. If we are lukewarm, we're going to be spit out anyway. You might as well become evil!" Pastor Simon Eng, President, Hope International Ministries

The third takeaway was really all the little teachings; the first workshop I attended was on leadership, an aspect close to my heart ever since my JC days as a CCA leader that really defined my self-identity in many aspects of life. The second workshop was [mistakenly] labelled as leadership as well, but thank God that it turned out to be about passion for God, and it ministered to be as well.

There was also a prayer over me from a junior pastor who had the prophetic gift, but for now I'll keep those things in mind and they're reserved to discernment before further comment...

So OC was a good time for me, and I probably would go again to OC next year. It taught me a lesson about our attitude towards God. Although at first I didn't see how much I could learn by going, I overcame the feeling of pride. Those who went were blessed. I discovered that God is so much more than my personal relationship with him [although it is key]. God's love is among the body of believers.

Tenant 5202

 the stars in Koh Kong, Cambodia on any other night

You do not have to sit outside in the dark.
If, however, you want to look at the stars,
you will find that darkness is required.
The stars neither require it nor demand it.
                                                                 - Annie Dillard

This is an introduction to Philip Yancey's book, Disappointment with God. Just received it from a dear friend as an encouragement. The implication is that God is there. He's always there. It's just that we need to learn to listen to the Spirit speaking to us, to shut out the chaos of the world and be attentive to that gentle whisper...

Conflict
Just a quick one about some verses that spoke to me and my current situation.

"When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you. When you are about to go into battle, the priest shall come forward and address the army. He shall say: Hear, O Israel, today you are going into battle against your enemies. Do not be faint-hearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them. For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." - Deut 20:1-4

This tells us that the battle is not ours to fight; it is the Lord's. We shall then have no fear, for how can the Lord lose any battle?


"When you march up to attack a city, make its people an offer of peace." - Deut 20:10

This verse spoke to me about my situation with my previous housing agent. Very summarily, what happened was that we had paid our rent regularly every Tuesday, and this was without fail till the end of our lease after 52 weeks. However after 49 weeks, the agent emailed us to say that they'd claimed our bond and we could stop paying rent. Of course I had to react to this for two reasons:
1. It looked bad on us to have our bond claimed. Since there was no ground for any claim, we had to defend ourselves from this.
2. If the bond sum was supposed to cover the remaining rent like the agent said, they had collected an extra $340 from us which we needed to get back from them.

There's other issues like the agents' incompetence and not picking up the phone and defecting on inspections etc etc.

Rather than fire off all my ammunition trying to make the agents look bad, my letter to the Residential Tenancies Authority (RTA) laid out the bare facts, objectively, and I made an offer to settle the matter simply (an offer of peace). This was to be the merciful act.

"If they refuse to make peace and the engage you in battle, lay siege to that city." - Deut 20:12

Since that letter, the RTA tried to call the agent and even left messages, to which the agent has brazenly and boldly ignored. The RTA has given us a form to apply to a higher tribunal for dispute resolution. The tribunal would have investigative powers. Further review will allow us to go to higher tribunals with more powers.

Time to lay siege then.

The caution is then in Proverbs.
"Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city."- Prov 16:32

This comes because I'm balancing between my father's instructions and apparent mercy. My father's instruction is to strike while the iron's hot, and give the agents no time to defend themselves (not to worry, since I have plain, non-defensible evidence). His intention is to go all the way in this and, after retrieving our money, continue to paint the agents in a bad light so as to deter future business to them and deal their credibility the fair blow.
Mercy, however, would be to retrieve what is ours, and leave the agents alone after that.

My ponderance is: is it up to God to deal with the agents? Or is it my place, since I'm a tenant, to shed light upon their unfair practices and bring it to the tribunal's attention? I would be the first tenant in the history of their dealings to actually bite back and take action rather than bow my head under their oppressive abuse of their contracts.

And the story continues...

Purification

Just some stuff to add to my blog about the purification God puts us through.

"Gold, silver, bronze, iron, tin, lead and anything else that can withstand fire must be put through the fire, and then it will be clean. But it must also be purified with the water of cleansing. And whatever cannot withstand fire must be put through that water." Num31:22-23

Materials used to build the Lord's temple, the articles and adornments, vessels etc all had to be purified so that they would not be detestable in His sight. They were refined by fire, and also cleansed with a washing over of water. selah

Previously, some months ago I blogged about the purification of fire. Recently, the lessons and the learning that God has been teaching me seem, to me, to be the cleansing water, cooling the heat of the fire and soothing me. Addings to my learning and also a lot of warnings.

I confirm this also with a verse I was led to:

"Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." - Isaiah30:20-21

That's all!

Summer

Summer was over 3 days ago, and I'll just put up a very short post about the very memorable summer break i've had. It's divided into 3 seasons: the first is the Ministry season, CM camp and Cambodia '09 where I really received a time of refreshing from God. The second is the season of my law internship and learning. The third is the short season of fellowship, growing with brothers and sisters, struggles and minor trials over the CNY days and my final days in Singapore.

Ministry
Ministry would be blogged separately from here. Dedicated posts on CM Camp and Cambodia.

Internship
Just some things to blog about my internship... Besides it being a very good exposure and valuable experience, there were other things going on in my life concurrently that made those 6 weeks extremely memorable to me.

There were some very moving cases which contain sensitive info and I can't blog em, but i'm sure some of you have heard from me. The Schizophrenia case, the diamorphine case, the hit-and-run cases, the divorce, the faked injuries case, assault etc.

Very good experience working under Mr Rama, who's been in practise for 43 years. He's 79 this year. Subhas Anandan has been in prac for 39 years. Loads of invaluable experience, and very respectable. Although he gets impatient, bossy and very assertive, he's also filled with very developed wisdom and his mind is sharp despite his age. In 2008 he received the Public Service Medal for doing over 100 pro-bono cases with the Legal Aid Bureau at the expense of his cashflow.

Also learnt a lot about humbling myself and submitting to a boss. Even though there were times when I felt I had a better way of doing things, I learned that to fit in with Mr Rama's method was best because to go my own way would kink the overall picture. Also had to be very patient to let him slowly understand the work I presented to him. He said I was doing a very good job, hope he really meant it!

Getting exposed to all those pro-bono cases also gave me insight into a lawyer's (ideal) role as a guardian of justice, a chivalrous defender of rights and one in power to do many things to improve the lives of the oppressed. All the more strengthening of the reason why I want to study Law.

Aside from the internship I faced lessons on pride... To be kept private. Just to know that it takes a lot of revelation to a proud person before he is changed. No man can change him, only God through revelation, circumstances, and a very powerful tool - truth.

I faced issues of injustice towards me... Also keeping them private. What Zhang Wei shared with me was that God is our righteous judge, our vindicator. When faced with injustice, we need not defend outselves. When we are wrong, defense is weak and easily undermined. When we are right, there is no need for defence. This was a whole new reminder to the meaning of my own name. Dan-i-El. God is my Vindicator.

Fellowship
This season saw a lot of observation of those around me, really getting into their shoes and understanding their minds and intentions, really seeing the areas they needed growth it, and seeking the Spirit's guidance in the best way to help them.

"Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbour frankly so you will not share in his guilt." Lev19:17

I learned that a lot of times it's best to stay watchfully silent and continue collecting wisdom and information until God reveals the best method to us, and to execute the most effective action with the right words, right circumstances, right setting with tact, kindness and love. "...and how good is a timely word!" - Prov15:23

"The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways..." Prov 14:8

"Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning" Prov 9:7-9

"Let a righteous man strike me - it is a kindness; let him rebuke me - it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it." - Psalm 141:5

Other minor trials I'd best not put up here. However, God has been very faithful, and he's been teaching me a lot about trusting Him and trusting in Him.

What a wonderful summer break, and it's only my first one! With renewed strength, direction and blessings, I face the second year of law school.


Just to remember how much God does for us.
"I will not enter my house or go to my bed - 
I will allow no sleep to my eyes, no slumber to my eyelids,
till I find a place for the Lord,
a dwelling for the Mighty One of Jacob." - Psalm 132:3-5

reinflating the balloon

Alright, high time to fulfill my promise to blog about CM Camp.

 AGAPE - CM CAMP '09

that's supposed to be a heart shape, but since the bus uncle was

complaining we had to rush out this heart with an

oversized left ventricle..

This was the first camp i've attended after 5 years, the last being in 2005.  It was very refreshing to me cos I had just come out of a time when I struggled with many things and was very spiritually down. Some people who were in my position would shy away from the camp, discouraged and feeling that they are 'not ready' or 'too far from God to serve Him'. However, I knew that if I could not get right with God and serve Him immediately, I probably would go through my summer break in desolation.

 

Caleb briefs the teachers and helpers

Thanks firstly, dear brother Caleb for chairing this very anointed camp. Your dependance on God allowed Him to work through you to manage everything. Even though it was a short camp, there was no less blessing for those who came.

 

We (the teachers) could really see the children receving God's touch and given new insights and attitudes over the short time.

 

For the teachers, we received a lot from the spiritual cover headed by Taiyong in consecrating ourselves daily, with the daily devotions, the consecration the night before, the exhortation etc. Especially the second night when we asked God to help us search ourselves from His perspective and really unleash his power into us.

 

 

Some of those in my group - Hak.

From left: Joleen, Joshua, Lemuel, Carissa, James, Zechariah.

My co-teacher was Cristabel. Was impressed by her heart to serve, even though she'd never handled children before. Thanks, Taiyong for introducing such a God-loving sister to the camp. She was very supportive and encouraging, and really poured out her heart to the children. Could see the spiritual fire in her even when her body was telling her she was tired. Also effective as a teacher during the devotions and group activities, I'm sure the children really love this jie jie.

During the consecration before the camp we shared some of the things we sensed about the children during our individual pre-camp prayers for them. I had only known 2 of the children before the camp, the rest being new to me. Cristabel had never seen them. However we had the same revelations about some of them, and really thanked God. Carissa would be a da jie; Lemuel would be one of a knowing mind and strong spirit; James would be a very lovable, a delight, yet vulnerable; Chloe would be the smallest, yet not to be underestimated; etc other things we were prepared for.

I really appreciated my group Hak, each of these children were a real joy to lead and encourage. The first day, as all camps go, saw them really reserved and I had to really drive the mood and motivate the group through the games. That first night, Hak was the lowest-scored and absolute last among the rest of the groups. In particular I struggled with controlling the boys who required special attention and more motivation, being really spread thin in giving them special attention yet attending to the entire group. It was a miracle that I managed to capture photos all this while. Thanking God  for each of them that night and the next morning, I asked for the Spirit to open their hearts.

The next day, I saw a complete change. Firstly thank God for sending Jon Phan to my group!

 

Jon Phan is very good with the children, being balanced both as an uncle and with auntiefied antics. A very engaging story teller, and extremely well-read and knowledgeable yet able to simplify principles into fun-sized bits suitable for the children. Jon was also very adept at balancing the activities to achieve the desired objectives.

Chloe came alive. Being the youngest, aged 8, she was a tiny package of dynamite and was so eager to participate.

Carissa, the oldest, also really became a da jie among the group, a sub-leader in her own way. Highly athletic and capable of formidable competitiveness, she also had a soft side to her and brought the younger ones under her jie-ship.

James, a boy very talented in all sorts of games and challenges, was a powerpack. He was a real joy, with a sharp mind. I saw a real change in his heart and he was a team player. Thank God for speaking into his heart. On the second night for some reason when we had children's altar call, he was crying and became very self-protecting for a reason that surpasses my knowledge. I didn't have time to attend to him, so Jon Phan did it. 

 

Gabriel, dear Gabriel, ever so inquisitive and intellectual yet so child-like. Easily pleased and distracted, yet so hard to get his attention and hard to satisfy. So hard to engage yet you know he hears every word you say. I don't think there are teachers in CM who don't have a special love for this boy. He gave me so much headache on the first day, being unable to sit still until his dad came all the way to pass him a pair of sandals and also with his special diet requirements. Still, there were his star moments such as some of the games and his own version of things we were learning together.

Joshua, a boy I've taught for 2 years. He was so different during the camp, outspoken and actively contributing. Was very impressed by the new Joshua. He's really growing up. He's no longer in primary school, and I'm sure he's well taken care of by God's guidance. He took a lot of initiative motivating the group and giving ideas in the games and activities.

There was the very quiet Ruey Yi, who still chats with me occasionally. Someone who's very aware of what goes on in her mind, and very well-controlled over herself. Rather than tease conversation out of her, I was glad when she approached me after the camp using facebook and msn.

 

Zechariah's a boy who's growing up. Wanting to be independent, questioning everything, not always obedient but also not rebellious in heart. Saw a great change in his initial attitude too. He's clearly full of individual thought and capable of formulating ideas on his own.

 Little Lemuel, young yet so promising. A little chao keng, but could see his heart. He'll really grow up. He even kept food for James when James had to leave for awhile for tuition out of camp. What a heart of gold.

 

Joleen, the little miss. Always so obedient and such a follower, well-behaved and well-mannered. Also very matured for a girl her age. I was very moved when a couple of days after the camp I visited the student care centre at Lorong Ah Soo and she called 'kor kor Daniel!! Is jie jie Cristabel here too?' She was a sister to the other girls. A real sister.

The third day was probably the highlight, when we took the camp to Dakota Home for the Elderly (I definitely got the name wrong).

There the children sang some Hokkien and Mandarin songs, served the elderly folk refreshments, even chatted with them and brought cheer to them. I was so impressed and moved, hearing how some children said Jesus Loves You, with all the sincerity of a child's faith. Ruey Yi in particular, in all her quietness towards us, opened up to an auntie and really conversed with her. The aunties adored the cute James and Chloe. What a joy.

In one of the pics above you see we did home visits too, to this uncle who lost his right hand in an industrial accident. It was a very old one-room flat. The stove was a single mobile cooker hooked to a gas cylinder. Uncle had his skin covered with tattoos, yet he was soft-spoken and gentle, telling us that he accepted Christ 4 months before and was to be baptized in a month. There was a sense of peace and security that he derived from his new faith in Christ.

 

I was also very inspired by Taiyong's passion for God. He chatted up some teenagers on the streetside, telling them about Christ. Received a call from him for a Bible, and dashed over to supply him the Word. When he returned, he told me two of them accepted Christ. Praise God.

Thank God also for the simple lessons on love taught by Darius using magic tricks and other very interesting activities to make the lessons interesting for the children.

Looking forward to the camp this year end under Jasslyn.

Sin and Peace

Shalom
Peace be within you
John14:27 "...Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you."



Sunday's sermon was about Peace. Pastor Don Wong from New Charis Missions used the translations of two words: shalom and irene. Just note that I'm not reproducing sermon notes in this post.

shalom
Jewish word of greeting, 1881, from Heb., lit. "peace," prop. "completeness, soundness, welfare," from stem of shalam "was intact, was complete, was in good health."
 
irene
fem. proper name, from Fr. Irène, from L. Irene, from Gk. Eirene, lit. "peace."
 
Col 3:15 "Let the peace of Christ rule your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful."
 
Phil4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
 
What Pastor Don was saying was that the peace Christ intended for us was not the serenity and calmness we imagine peace to be, but rather the security and assurance, a sense of groundedness that we maintain despite struggles and chaos. shalom meant well-being, good health etc.
 
I just want to cross this lesson with something on sin.
 
In Matt 9, Mark 2 and Luke 5 when Jesus healed the paralytic, he forgave him his sins first, and the paralytic got up carried his mat and walked. My question is this: does sin rob us of the shalom peace that Jesus bequeathed to us?
 
Matt5:23 "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother; then come and offer your gift."
 
In Luke 7:48-50 Christ said to the sinful woman "Your sins are forgiven... Your faith has saved you; go in peace." Does this suggest that after she was forgiven her sin, she was free to receive the peace that Christ blessed her with?
 
It COULD be that (during the Christ's years of ministry) because of sin, people were hindered from receiving the shalom peace, and thus illnesses and attacks of the devil, demonic possession etc entered into their lives. It was only when they received the forgiveness of Christ that the peace of God was restored unto them, and they were set free of their infirmity.
 
A final braincandy: a story I remember from Joyce Meyer's book Battlefield of the Mind. Therein she wrote about two painters. Both were asked to paint a picture called 'Peace'. The first painter depicted peace to be irene, painting up a beautiful, still mountain lake with a mirror-smooth surface and serenity all over. The second painter, however, painted a turbulent roar of rapid waters foaming and surging; a flimsy branch dangled low in the midst of the torrent and perched on that branch was a sparrow, wings tucked in and eyes closed in security and assurance. Shalom.
 
May the peace of God that surpasses all understanding guard everyone's hearts.